suck it up

Say,
don't get mad at me
because everyone likes your sibling more.
You'll have to take that
up with your parents.
They dispense the genes,
not I.
I had nothing to do with the fact that
your brother is both mysterious and charming.
Or that he's the
smarter,
hotter,
and more athletically inclined
brother.
Nope, nothing to do with me guy.

It is unfortunate for you though.
We can't help how we feel.
It does help that he doesn't cry about his short comings.

So, why don't you wipe your tears,
go put on some big boy pants
and rub some dirt on it.
It'll be ok.

like that's going to happen...

Hold up,
wait a minute,
I need to get a few things straight.

YOU want HER
to have long flowing hair,
sultry eyes,
a nice rack,
a backside that will make you sweat,
legs you can climb,
a great smile,
a sexy walk,
a good job,
and be smart??
Hmmm, ok.

Umm...but
you're balding,
your gut is exploding,
and you walk with a limp.

Yea,
I can totally see how that's an even trade.
Frankly, my dear,
beggars can not be choosers.

Picky much????

good as gold

Guys,
need help with the ladies?
Never fear,
Meme's here.
My only words of advice to give,
would be to purchase a tiny dog,
and name him Pooh.
Wait...scratch that.
Better yet,
do what you can,
whether it be beg, borrow, steal or even have one,
you need to get your hands on a baby,
preferably a cute one.
Tow it along,
and just wait.
Works like a charm.
EVERYTIME.
And for all the ladies out there,
I have a little something, something
for you too...
No need for drastic measures, just the purchase of a ring.
Place the ring on your ring finger,
and voila..
Watch the magic show.
For if you wear it,
they will come.

ignorance is bliss

Bite me.
I can't help it if you were misinformed.
If only you knew...
Too bad I wasn't your teacher,
maybe...maybe you wouldn't have gone apeshit.
Did you think Columbus was a hero?
Ohh...you did.
Sigh.
I'm sorry that good ole Chris was a baby killer
and a murderer,
maybe he had good reasons for using the Natives as target practice.
I didn't mean to disillusion him in your eyes,
I was merely dispensing facts,
but if you want your children to remain ignorant about history the way you seem to be..
by all means, I will keep my mouth shut.
By the way, do you celebrate Hitler's reign too?
They were very similiar in a way.
Just food for thought...

sigh.

I find watching sports with gamblers slightly annoying.
It kinda kills the mood.
Especially if the said gamblers are members of your family, your closest friends, and your boyfriend.
Thanks for taking the joy out of the game yo.
Thanks alot.

You can watch....they say.
You can even root for them,
but not too much,
they can only win by four.

Thanks but no thanks buddies!!!!