don't wear it out....

Nicknames.

You have one.

Everyone does.

The act of replacing an actual name with

a descriptive one always leaves me puzzled. 

Maybe because every

nickname has a backstory and while some stories

are amusing and witty,

others....

not so much.

I mean,

there is no 

flattering and endearing

explanation 

for...

Apeface
a face that resembles an ape

Butterball
only a lil round..not turkey round
Gary Coleman

c'mon give Lisa a break!!!

Liar
shouldn't trust this one...

Gargamal 
a smurf reference, really?

Birdy
cheap, cheap, cheap....

Toothpic
the english translation of a name...
lucky the name was not something else 

Smeagle
my precious....
who wants to look like that?

FOB
are we talking about our parents?
Squirrel

ahhh...same sized brains,maybe?

Kunte
don't even want to know

Fuck-enese
fucking on ones knees, perhaps?

McMoody
how moody can one get?

Monkey
if one knew phy, there is no need for explanations

T-nuts
is that two nuts, tiny nuts, terrible nuts, what?

The Beast
is that a good thing?

Papa Smurf
really, another smurf reference?

Irk
this one is too lame to even explain

Slut Master 2010
wow slut master 2010, huh?

Urkel
wheres stefan?

Ho Vistaversion
again, are explanations needed?

Thumas,
confused, explanations anyone?

Mr. Burns
must be nice to be skinny, old, and ugly

Lames
you're lame?
no way!!

Freeloader
yes, dinner on me
Shady
in what why?
Mudd
dirty, much?

Ludacris
you can rap?

Clay Aiken
 wtf

???

While most readily

accept their nick names,

I will go down kicking

and screaming.

My name is Meme.

You can call me such.

* yes, your nick names don't neccessarily mean those
but so...

tru dat!

                                                           thanks Viet Nguyen

Yes, I am.

I agree

To paraphrase a Seinfield episode..

Everybody has "that" friend.
If you can't identify "that" friend in your group,
then most likely "that" friend is you.

You know that friend.
Trust me.
You don't need a list.
You just know.

Hot Tub Time Machine wisely summed it up.

He's an asshole...
But he's our asshole...

I know mine.

By now,
you should know yours

YOU

Hello.

How is my day?

Well,

honestly it was going swell

until I saw you.

Umm,

you kind of ruined it.

Yes, you.

I think it blows that someone as

incompetent as you,

is allowed to occupy the same space

as I.

You suck the life out everything here.

It bugs the beejesus

out of me that you do absolutely

nothing at all,

yet I'm stuck

looking at your pretentious

face every single day.

Yes, once again,

I am talking about you.

you.

Sadly,

my mother taught me well,

and no matter how much

I can't stand you

or how you treat

others,

I will only be speaking of

you and not at you.

Because if I were

speaking to you,

I would tell you

that you are a

waste of space.

YOU,

YOU,

YOU.

Sadly,

I won't because

my manners do not allow me to do so.

So,

how is my day?

GREAT,

I say.

where amazing happens....

What?

It could happen.

One day.

Maybe in my dreams.

Or at least when Viet photoshops it.

I'm just sayin'

tsk...tsk..

Sorry,
what was that?
Wait,
hold that thought for just a second....
just one second!!!

Ok,
so you....

WTF???
Unfreakingbelievable.
They just ejected
Dirk from the game!!!!
What kind of shiet is that???
What kind of SHIET is that?
What kind of SHIET is that?
He hardly even lifted his elbow!
Oh-em-gee.
What a bunch of crybabies.
Look at that....
barely even touched him,
barely.
They done pissed the German off....
OOooOo but
a smexy pissed off German he is!!!
Look at him.
Um. ummm. ummmm.

Oh,
my bad,
I'm sorry...
so you lied to your gal,
went to the strip bar,
saw her brother as
you were grabbing the strippers ta-tas,
now your lady is pissed,
and won't let you back in.

Do I think she's pissed?
Wh.....

Hey,
the games back on...
love to help a buddy out
but uh....
this really ain't a good time.
I can't do anything but
cross my fingers for you.

Oh, wait,
you can't go home, huh?
Here's a couple of bucks,
maybe you can go back to the strip bar
and rub on some tig o biddies
for goodluck.
You never know,
you might even find another home.

Bye-Bye!
Can you turn up the volume
on your way out.

it's over...

I think it's precious

that you're arranging flowers.

I do.

How sweet is that?

I mean,

how many guys would

give up their manhood

to make their woman happy?

No one.

Absolutely no one.

Just you.

One of a kind,

you are.

What?

I'm not saying you're whipped.
Never.
Now, what kind of flowers are
these?

Dang,
you even know that
lilies and orchids
accent each other well.
Nice.

Oh,
can you help with

flowers arrangements

for mine and Tommy's wedding?

Also, while you're at it,

you can go ahead and

hand it over,

your man card,

that is.

You are no longer in need of it.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Gee.
Yo. Yo. Yo.
Dawg.
Boiiiii.
We're cool.
You know that, right?
I mean,
cause you da man, mang.
I'm a fan.
I really am.
I think you're alright,
but can I be honest
with you?
Damn bro,
you bought your wife the
same thing you bought your
ex?
For real?
Come on now?
You want your nut sacks ripped out or what?
I know your ex loved it,
and your wife probably will too.
Afterall, I helped you pick it out.
But guy,
your wife ain't gonna
love it for long.
Especially when she finds out your ex
love was sporting it first.

Ima hook you up
since were tighhht.
I'll pick up a jock strap
for you on the way home.
You'll need it guy.
Just sayin'

*Oh-em-gee!
  You are so amazing!!!
  How did you know
  I was imitating
  Randy Jackson???

Lucky...

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please forgive me for I have sinned,

not just one, but all seven sins have I committed.

I can't help that my pride did not

allow me to look at this magazine cover

without experiencing greed, envy, and lust.

How dare she climb upon that magnificent

being and think she would not be subjected

to my wrath.

No one and I mean no one should be able
to touch him but I. 
It is I, who spends hours
upon hours worshipping the ground he walks.
Gluttony is good, if done moderately.
If this obsession has made a
sloth out of me, so be it.
I know I can not be cured but
hopefully I can be forgiven.

Wait a minute,
I'm Buddist, I don't need to confess.
Sigh. 
All is well.

must be nice

Wow,

looks like you had a blast on your vacation!!!

That tan looks soOooOoo devine on you.

Btw,

that shot of you in the sunset,

Magical.

And what is this?

Will you look at that,

NICE.

I had my eye on that

very expensive

Ferragamo handbag too.

Sigh.

I couldn't get it though.

Wait a minute,

why couldn't I get it again?

Oh right,

I remember now.

You borrowed my money

because you were

in dire need of  financial help.

What?

You have to go?

Right now?

Oh.

But I haven't looked at all your pictures yet.

Ok, next time then.

I'm glad you had fun.

Oh you,
you're so silly,

don't you worry about it,

I know about your tight budget.

A post card would be asking for too much.

.

Would you???

I was at Barnes & Nobles (you're jealous, I know),
when I overheard two idiots  guys conversing.
The geniuses were arguing about who they
would "tap" if they were given a chance.
In the midst of their futile discussion,
not only did I lose a few brain cells listening to them
but they also managed to confuse themselves.

You see,
they couldn't  define
beautiful, pretty, hawt,
and..
wait for it.....
wait for it...
yes, their favorite.....
"fiOne."

Are you confused?

Do you know the difference?

Do you?

Because they were really having a difficult time

defining those simple terms.

But never fear,
once again,

Memedo is here.

By being attentive to their "simple talk"

I deciphered the true definition of each one of their terms.

Apparently..............

Beautiful = A face that is pleasing to the eye (much like mine) with a proportional body to enhance that lovely face.

Pretty = An attractive face.  The figure, apparently, is not accounted for in this term.

Hawt = A banging body that will make a guys breeches shrink in a matter of seconds, accompanied with a fairly decent face.

And last but not least,

drumroll.............

FIONE = ASS, BOOBS, more ass and boobs, and much more ass and boobs.  Who cares about the face?  If you're fiOne, no one is looking at your face.  Because "damn guh...you FIONE!!!!  I'd definitely tap dat, yo!"

It was pointless really,

that conversation,

those two.

They should take what they can get.

Trust me, 

they're lucky if they even get a nudge

much less a "tap."

Just sayin'

the truth hurts....

I don't care what anyone says,
Lady Antebellum's I Need You Now,
total booty call.

You can tell me it's about someone
suffering a broken heart and missing their
lost love,
but imma say it again it,
BOOTY CALL..

It's a quarter after one,
I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control
and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
(TRANSLATION=BOOTY CALL)

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
(TRANSLATION=BOOTY CALL)

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now
Ooo, baby, I need you now
(TRANSLATION=TOTAL BOOTY CALL)

Look hate to break it to you but
it could have easily been
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I MISS you now
but it's not because it's a BOOTY CALL and I NEED you .

I'm just sayin"

good stuff

Yes.

I love the taste of Cognac.

Preferably,

Remy VSOP.

Martell XO would be a plus

but I'll take what I can get.

I like the way it slides down my throat

and warms my insides.

Yummy.

Yes, I know it's made

to sip

but I like it neat and

taken as a shot.

I love it so much,

I want to share it with all of you.

I mean,

Cognac has so many uses.

It's great for celebrations and

is especially good

for soothing broken hearts.

But like everything else,

too much of a good thing

can be very bad...

This stupid serum

can cause all kinds of trouble...

like..............

running into parked cars,

throwing nice expensive phones at doors and ovens,

kicking cute little pets,

dancing on stage,

cleaning the floors with said bodies,

begging on all fours to be washed in bathrooms,

falling asleep on toilets,

laying in puddles of vomit,

making out with relatives,

making out with strangers,

shiet making out with friends,
shaving eyebrows,

screaming at walls,

posing on cars,

beating up strangers,

beating up friends,

watching the midnight show of twilight,

crying behind curtains,

screaming out "I do it right",

calling spouses their exes names,

jumping off roofs...

pulling girls skirts down,

drinking shots of fish sauce....

ahhh....good times....

good times.....

So....

when people call me out for

not drinking up.....

I will just send them a link to this page

and say....

unlike you....

I know what this

wonderful serum can do...

because look what it did to you.

And I can say it with a big smile...

because at one point

they were guilty of not one but many of the above incidences.

for your own good!!!!

My wise cousin, Sen, educated me once 

on how to spot someone who is 

"tight."

Not the good tight either but the bad one.

Tight as in tight with their money.

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong

with being frugal,

but if you're always 

the first to order

wine and lobster

and the last to pull out your 

wallet,

it's only etiquette, 

I think,

to tip,

or  at least pretend to tip.

I mean, 

your meal was FREE.

So, to everyone else out there who isn't "tight", 

here are a few signs to look for so you're not stuck being the chump....

If they go by "Tight" or "Birdie"  it's probably because their cheap..cheap..cheap..or tight...tight...tight.

Pay attention to their seating arrangements in a restaurant.  The cheap ones will always strategically seat themselves furthest away from the wait staff.  It's a ploy to distance themselves from the bill in hopes that someone else will pick up their tab.  

They will conveniently be in the boys/girls room every time the check arrives.  

"Oh no"  it seems like they have forgotten their wallets, again.  

They remembered to bring the wallet but their magnetic strip to their bankcard seems to be malfunctioning, can you cover?

Last but not least, they are always the last ones to throw in their portion in hopes that someone will over pay.

Now remember,

fool me once, 

shame on you, 

fool me twice,

shame on me.

Don't be a sucker!!!

Btw, thanks sen, you're the best.

And Rook, Happy Birthday.

 

tough stuff

Breakeven by The Script

Have you heard of it?

Well, now you have.

Listened to the lyrics?

I just did.

Let's just say,

I'm glad I'm not heartbroken.

It's a good song and all,

but dang shoot the poor soul

in the face,

why don't you?

The sad thing is,

 though their hearts

are splattered all over the

floor in a trillion pieces,

this will be on repeat.

Sigh.

This song is perfect when 

accompanied with tears and a knife.

I kid, I kid.

yummy!

Because I can...
so,
I will.
Have you seen
Dirk Nowitzki
in the last couple
of games?

Impressive, huh?

I know,
you'd like to
do him too.

I don't blame you.
Really,
I don't.

stop now, please...

Facebook,
oh Facebook,
how incriminating
you can be.
Must you put every one's
business out there
for the whole world
to see?

Sigh....
Frankly, I'm out of rhymes
and I don't have time to
be amusing.

So, let me break it down
to something even you
can understand.

Don't be all pissy because
everyone knows your stuff.
YOU posted it
all over facebook.

Gawd.
People don't mind
their own business
because...
hell,
you put yours
out there.