fool's gold

I thought we all understood that beggars could not be choosers.

No, I'm not calling you a beggar....

I'm just sayin' you can't afford to be choosy.

Trust me.

I wouldn't lie to you.

Well, I would but I'm feeling pretty honest today.

Yea, you may want to stop while you're ahead.

Actually, let's not wait, just stop now.

Because you couldn't get any better

then what you currently have.

Honestly, you hit the jackpot.

A big one.

And like all idiots who hit it big,

you lose your minds.

So, please don't shoot yourself in the foot,

the mouth, the face or any other

important body parts that you may need.

Stop before it's too late

It may not be perfect to you,

but it's pretty damn close bro.

Think about it.

go on, go

my friend,

easy come.

easy go.

fret  you not,

for it was not worth it.

imma be...

                                             yoshee.smugmug.com

Adults are always asking kids

what they want to be when they grow up 

because they're looking for ideas.

-Paula Poundstone

sin city???

                                                 yoshee.smugmug.com

Ladies, I know it's a little hard

letting the boys out to play,

but do you think after a night

of heavy drinking and intense gambling

that they will remember to visit the

strip bars? 

Oh, you do, do ya?

My bad.

Boys, you can't say I didn't try.

whining much??

I grew up believing that "big girls don't cry" because my father taught me so. I figured the same rule applies for the male gender, right?  Obviously, someones father has been slacking off. I think it's a bitch move to cry about wedding dates bro.  Who cares if his wedding is a week before yours???  Stealing your thunder??  Really?  What are you jacking lines from "Bride Wars?"  C'mon, this is where I do a penis check.  Yup, yours is gone!!! Be happy for your friend.  It will be ok.  The world will still turn and Chuck Norris is still the bomb yo. Oh btw, Tommy and I changed our color, should we check with you first groomzilla?

I'll pass

Nobody likes a sore loser

but I personally prefer them over their counter parts,

the SORE WINNERS.

You know them,

with their smug smile

and gloating words,

they never let you forget a thing.

Let them revel in their victory,

it won't last long,

for who wants to play with a bully?

Not I.

amused i am

good one children.

good one.

i'm glad they
learned something.

boys

  I know you're not a quitter!

  But sometimes you just

  need to throw in the towel

  and call it a day.

  No, really.

  Breaking your face

  and drilling your fingers

  can't be fun.

  Ok, so you haven't

  done that yet
  but.........

  there is always tomorrow.
  Besides, temporarily blinding 
  your pretty helper should be
  enough.

  What is there to

  think about?
  Stop while you're
  ahead buddy.

that's it

You appear so harmless.
Yet,
you pack a mean punch.
Lesson learned.

growing up

Remember when were young

and we knew everything,

or so we thought.

And how we couldn't wait to grow up

because no one understood us.

Boy, were we stupid.

Nothing ever is as it seems.

Being grown up is

harder then I thought.

color me happy

The right person is going to think the

sun shines out of your ass

and your shit smells like roses.

Until then,

don't compromise.

You are who you are.

full of it

ESPN called a panel of experts to compile a list of their top 3 postseason's biggest disappointment.

The results:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/playoffs/2010/news/story?page=DisappointingPlayers-100510. 

Hmm, I'm currently at a quandary.  Henry Abbott an expert..?? Really?  Abbott lost all creditabilty when he put Dirk's name on that list.

Yes, I love Dirk.  And yes I can be completely biased in his favor but out of the entire playoffs, Dirk as the biggest disappointment? 

Guy, I'm talking to you Abbott, you seriously have no business being a basketball commentator.  Obviously, you didn't do your homework.  Go look at the stat sheets yo.  Look at em real hard, then you will see that you are talking out of your ass.

Dirk averaged 26.7 ppg and 8.2 rpg, and shot 55% from behind the arc.  If you're going to blame their loss on anybody, then you're going to have to chalk it up to poor coaching and a weak supporting cast, with the exception of Roddy B and a few others.

I could run the stats for Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Shawn Marion, and Erick Dampier for you but that would make you look like an even bigger douche.  Watch a game or two before you run your mouth.

Btw, Tim Duncan has not been playing like he use to but  #3 on your list?  Really?  You couldn't find anybody worst then DIRK or TIM? 

I need your job.  I don't have to know jack and I can spit shit out all day.  Must be good...must be good.

for now

Keep on wishing...

no one said you shouldn't try.

But wishing....

isn't going to change things.

Trust me.

I've been wishing for Nowitzki for awhile now.

You have to do more then that,

much more.

i must agree

Fate is like a strange,

unpopular restaurant

filled with odd waiters

who bring you things

you never asked for

and don't always like.

-lemony snicket

all of the above

great minds discuss ideas.

average minds discuss events.

small minds discuss people.

ha!!!!

i do all three.

i have a super mind!!!!

eat them, your words

I did it because I wanted to.

I needed to.

I had to.

But mainly

because you said

I wouldn't be able to.

in time

It's a long road ahead.

The past,

let it go.

You'll be happier that way.

as a man...

Though last on my list,

you are definately not least.

Kim Hyun Joong,

thanks,

for making the crappy

playoffs disappear,

even if it was just for a moment.

*c'mon i'm not shallow....i liked the song too

forever young

                                             yoshee.smugmug.com

You can't stay that way forever.

Everyone grows up eventually.

You really should too.

i cry

Dear Rick Carlisle,
I like you, I do, but sometimes you make some dumb decisions.  And when I said sometimes, I meant the whole damn series.

Since I promised not to take it personally this year, I won't.  However, I was wondering if maybe you can answer a question or two, now that you have plenty of time.

Can we start with the line ups..?  Free RODDY B did not become a mantra over night.  There was a reason why fans all over Dallas was chanting it.  Can you explain why he was not put into the games?  Also, when you finally did free "Roddy B" and he sparked up the game, you pulled him out.  YOU PULLED HIM OUT!!! Who cares if he is tired.  He hasn't played all playoffs.  Let the dude have some minutes yo.

Oh yea, let's talk about minutes. JJ Barea sure was getting alot of playing time.  Yea, he made some pretty bad ass shots but do you watch him on the other end of the court??  Do you?  How can you sit Butler the entire half of a game and let JJ Barea and Jason JET Terry miss wide open shots.  It's not like Terry ever does anything during playoffs.  I mean come on, don't you watch old playoff footages?  When has he ever shown up for the playoffs?  Umm, never.

And oh good lord, can you teach the team to drive???  I know they don't get their calls but damn wear some big boy pants and keep doing it.  At least then, I don't have to listen to Charles Barkley's no ring wearing ass run his mouth and call the team soft.

Yes, can you answer that?  That's all I wanted to know.  I feel that I am entitled.  I've been a devoted MAVS fan since they've sucked.  Btw, despite my rudeness, I still love you guys.  Tell Dirk I said Hi.

Love,
meme

P.S. Those are real tears btw.  REAL.

i concur.

                                                                                  yoshee.smugmug.com

Yea,

he's pretty excited about

the Mavs win last night.

why not???

Whoever came up with the idiom

You can't have your cake and eat it too

needs to seriously stop,

and think about it.

WTF are you supposed to do

with a cake if not eat it?

Obviously,

I can't locate the genius who coined

this idiotic phrase

so I'm going to ask you... 

since you felt the need to 

throw the saying in my face.

If the Dallas Mavericks made it to the playoffs,

why wouldn't I want them to 

advance to the next round?

If that makes me greedy,

so be it.

Your cake may smell good

but mine sure is tasty!

....

Weather is a great metaphor for life,

 sometimes it's good,
sometimes it's bad,

there's nothing much you can do about it

but carry an umbrella.

~Terri Guillemets

mon ami...

Friends,

or at least good friends,

adhere to a code,

an honor system of sort.

It's pretty universal

and applies to almost everyone.

What are they???

Seriously?

Well,

that sure explains alot.

Like, umm  I don't know....

For me,

not fooling around with my family members

is a big one.

You know like my sisters,

my brother,

my cousins,

my grandmother,

my dog,

you know

anyone or thing that matters to me.

Go ahead,

mess with every Dick and Jane possible

but please don't swim in my family pool yo.

And oh,

talking trash about your other friends,

not good either.

It's harmless if you're jesting

about your brain and dick sizes 

but when you 

start telling each others secrets,

while it's juicy for me to hear,

it's pretty jacked up for you to share.

Not such a buddy there yo.

And one last thing,

while you may be perfect,

not everyone is.

Let's not be smug.

You may just find out how very imperfect 

you really are.

That's how a friendship works  yo.

As long as you abide to the basics

you should be fine.

You scratch my back and 

I'll scratch yours.

me.

Let's be honest.
I am my #1.
I love you all,
some more then others,
but I love my self most.

So,
would I jump in front of car for you?
Umm,
probably not.
Which means I wouldn't
suck out
posionous venom to
save your life either.
So,
please don't ask me to,
you'll just be disappointed.

I mean,
I'll share my wealth with you
(not that that's much).
I just won't die for you.

You know what I'm sayin'?

anytime.

Yes.

Yes,

you will.

LET'S DO THIS!

Dirk,

this year I promise not to take

the playoffs personally.

I won't break the remote control,

my phone,

my toe,

or my heart

the way I did

when you guys lost

to the HEAT

in the NBA finals

a few years back.

This year

I shall not fill buckets up with my precious

tears like I did the year

you were #1 seed

and lost in the first round.

Nope,

I won't shed a tear.

This year,

I will not let  Charles Barkley's

smug smile and lame comments

reduce me to a belligerent lunatic.

This year,

I won't go to work hurt

and hateful because you guys
have always managed to make one player
seem like a SUPASTAR!!!

No,

none of those things will I feel.

Because this year,

when you finally win it all,

I know it's not just for me.....

but for all your real fans,

the ones that have loved you guys forever.

So,

please,

LET AMAZING HAPPEN!!!!

impossible

Expectations,
the higher they are,
the harder the fall.

Just sayin'

remorseful

I really am SORRY yo.
I am.
It's just that
I got you a gift
and you left.
And then I totally  forgot about it.
Totally.
Then god's gift to the female population
asked if he could borrow it.
It was just sitting there...
So,
I let him borrow it.

But,
I'm getting it back.
AND
It's still yours.

I know,
I know,
I can be a
sorry friend sometimes.
I'm a tad bit sarcastic,
a little forgetful,
and alot impatient.
I don't always keep in touch and
I always seem too busy.
And often times I like
to  blog about you.

The truth is...
you guys are my friends
and I do care.
So,
I am sorry.
(when it's my fault).


*I won't look in his eyes next time. I promise.

U go boiiiii!!!

Yes,

I love him even at this angle.

With 40 pts,

10 rebounds,

and a steal

in a must win game

against Trailblazers,

who wouldn't want to jump his bones?

I did,

several times to be honest,

especially with

1:10 left in the game....

Nowitzki,
at the baseline,

shoots a for a wide open16-footer.

And the crowd goes nuts!!!

Oh, no they don't,

My bad,

Mavericks were playing

in Portland.

Well,

I went nuts.

They haven't been able to squeeze a win

from Portland all year.

I about tinkled in my pants.

brutal yo!

Yea,
I saw it.
I know,
Heidi did go a bit
nuts fixing her face.

Really,?
You think so?
It's not that bad.
I just didn't recognize her.
Heard it's pretty addicting stuff yo.

What?
Yea,
I guess.
I normally can't tell when it comes
to the Korean actresses.
Korea does seem to have the best
plastic surgeons.

Excuse me?
Am I planning to go where?
To Korea?
Me?
For what?

Oh,
to get my nose worked on??
You think that would help me, huh?
Ok.
And if I get addicted,
I can get my overbite fixed too.
Umm, ok.

Anything else,
while were at it....?

OH,
there is?

SIGH.
I don't know about that,
shaving an inch or two off
my hips might prove
be a little painful.

Well,
will you look at that?
Look at the time,
how it flies.
Gotta run!!!

Yes,
this was fun.
I don't know why we don't
do this more often......

Awww.....

I think it's sweet

that you're so in

"LURVE."

I do.

For real, yo.

Nah,

it doesn't nauseate me

to see you guys

pet and feed each other.

Not one bit.

Seriously.

I promise,

Girl Scout Honor.

As a matter of fact,

my ears only bleed  a little

when your baby voices make

an appearence.

It's cute though.

And the way you guys gaze at each other...

WOW,

intense stuff yo.

Your love,

it's for the ages.

Excuse me for a second.

I apologize,

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Now, what was I saying?

Yes,

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You guys finally found each other!!
Despite the fact that you guys
make me sick most the time...
I am happy for you!!

please...

Dear Memedo,
           I'm at wits end.  Since you're so smart, maybe you can help me out.  You see, I am considered a triple threat, not only am I extremely good looking, but I have the brains, the body and the money to match that.  I have girls lining up at my door and I'm rarely seen without an eyecandy linked to my arm. It doesn't help that I'm extremely successful. Everyone envys me.  And to be perfectly honest, why wouldn't they.  I am perfect.  While some consider this a blessing, I find all this attention and focus on me a tad bit annoying.  What can I do to stop the female population from pawing all over me?

Sincerely,
Troubled
_________________________________________________
Dear Troubled,
                Wow, you have some serious problems.  Goodlooking, smart, rich, and successful?  Damn, I feel so sorry for you.  Nobody should ever have to go through what you're currently experiencing. 
I think your problem is that you are way tooOOOooo MODEST.  Humbleness can be added to your list of attributes.  Well, I'll pray for you.  May God be with you!!


Sincerely,
Memedo
*Please do not come to me with crap like this and expect me to serious.  

"THE LIST"

Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Dirk Nowitzki
Orlando Bloom
Kim Hyun Joong

Everyone has one,
even Ross and Rachel.

If you don't,

you should.

Just in case.

You never know.

It's like insurance, 

so if anything happens,

you are exempt.

What????

It could happen.
I may meet Dirk.

And...

he may want to see me

7 times after that.

listen and learn

I'd be gosh darned.

Who would have thunk that

Jessica Simpson could teach

you a thing or two.

Guys,

I'm your boy,

I really am.

You've only treated me as such

but if thats the case,

what ever happened to

bros before hos?

I understand your plight,

kind of,

but grow some balls and stop

being weanies, would ya?

It's a couple of beers and

maybe a poker game or two

not a visit to

"hookers are us."

Next time,

just tell her....

I belong to me

I don't belong to you

I'm one, not half of two

And if you're gonna love me

You should know this, baby

That I belong to me

*if you're married with children..this does not apply...
and if does....
tread lightly please

don't wear it out....

Nicknames.

You have one.

Everyone does.

The act of replacing an actual name with

a descriptive one always leaves me puzzled. 

Maybe because every

nickname has a backstory and while some stories

are amusing and witty,

others....

not so much.

I mean,

there is no 

flattering and endearing

explanation 

for...

Apeface
a face that resembles an ape

Butterball
only a lil round..not turkey round
Gary Coleman

c'mon give Lisa a break!!!

Liar
shouldn't trust this one...

Gargamal 
a smurf reference, really?

Birdy
cheap, cheap, cheap....

Toothpic
the english translation of a name...
lucky the name was not something else 

Smeagle
my precious....
who wants to look like that?

FOB
are we talking about our parents?
Squirrel

ahhh...same sized brains,maybe?

Kunte
don't even want to know

Fuck-enese
fucking on ones knees, perhaps?

McMoody
how moody can one get?

Monkey
if one knew phy, there is no need for explanations

T-nuts
is that two nuts, tiny nuts, terrible nuts, what?

The Beast
is that a good thing?

Papa Smurf
really, another smurf reference?

Irk
this one is too lame to even explain

Slut Master 2010
wow slut master 2010, huh?

Urkel
wheres stefan?

Ho Vistaversion
again, are explanations needed?

Thumas,
confused, explanations anyone?

Mr. Burns
must be nice to be skinny, old, and ugly

Lames
you're lame?
no way!!

Freeloader
yes, dinner on me
Shady
in what why?
Mudd
dirty, much?

Ludacris
you can rap?

Clay Aiken
 wtf

???

While most readily

accept their nick names,

I will go down kicking

and screaming.

My name is Meme.

You can call me such.

* yes, your nick names don't neccessarily mean those
but so...

tru dat!

                                                           thanks Viet Nguyen

Yes, I am.

I agree

To paraphrase a Seinfield episode..

Everybody has "that" friend.
If you can't identify "that" friend in your group,
then most likely "that" friend is you.

You know that friend.
Trust me.
You don't need a list.
You just know.

Hot Tub Time Machine wisely summed it up.

He's an asshole...
But he's our asshole...

I know mine.

By now,
you should know yours

YOU

Hello.

How is my day?

Well,

honestly it was going swell

until I saw you.

Umm,

you kind of ruined it.

Yes, you.

I think it blows that someone as

incompetent as you,

is allowed to occupy the same space

as I.

You suck the life out everything here.

It bugs the beejesus

out of me that you do absolutely

nothing at all,

yet I'm stuck

looking at your pretentious

face every single day.

Yes, once again,

I am talking about you.

you.

Sadly,

my mother taught me well,

and no matter how much

I can't stand you

or how you treat

others,

I will only be speaking of

you and not at you.

Because if I were

speaking to you,

I would tell you

that you are a

waste of space.

YOU,

YOU,

YOU.

Sadly,

I won't because

my manners do not allow me to do so.

So,

how is my day?

GREAT,

I say.

where amazing happens....

What?

It could happen.

One day.

Maybe in my dreams.

Or at least when Viet photoshops it.

I'm just sayin'

tsk...tsk..

Sorry,
what was that?
Wait,
hold that thought for just a second....
just one second!!!

Ok,
so you....

WTF???
Unfreakingbelievable.
They just ejected
Dirk from the game!!!!
What kind of shiet is that???
What kind of SHIET is that?
What kind of SHIET is that?
He hardly even lifted his elbow!
Oh-em-gee.
What a bunch of crybabies.
Look at that....
barely even touched him,
barely.
They done pissed the German off....
OOooOo but
a smexy pissed off German he is!!!
Look at him.
Um. ummm. ummmm.

Oh,
my bad,
I'm sorry...
so you lied to your gal,
went to the strip bar,
saw her brother as
you were grabbing the strippers ta-tas,
now your lady is pissed,
and won't let you back in.

Do I think she's pissed?
Wh.....

Hey,
the games back on...
love to help a buddy out
but uh....
this really ain't a good time.
I can't do anything but
cross my fingers for you.

Oh, wait,
you can't go home, huh?
Here's a couple of bucks,
maybe you can go back to the strip bar
and rub on some tig o biddies
for goodluck.
You never know,
you might even find another home.

Bye-Bye!
Can you turn up the volume
on your way out.

it's over...

I think it's precious

that you're arranging flowers.

I do.

How sweet is that?

I mean,

how many guys would

give up their manhood

to make their woman happy?

No one.

Absolutely no one.

Just you.

One of a kind,

you are.

What?

I'm not saying you're whipped.
Never.
Now, what kind of flowers are
these?

Dang,
you even know that
lilies and orchids
accent each other well.
Nice.

Oh,
can you help with

flowers arrangements

for mine and Tommy's wedding?

Also, while you're at it,

you can go ahead and

hand it over,

your man card,

that is.

You are no longer in need of it.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Gee.
Yo. Yo. Yo.
Dawg.
Boiiiii.
We're cool.
You know that, right?
I mean,
cause you da man, mang.
I'm a fan.
I really am.
I think you're alright,
but can I be honest
with you?
Damn bro,
you bought your wife the
same thing you bought your
ex?
For real?
Come on now?
You want your nut sacks ripped out or what?
I know your ex loved it,
and your wife probably will too.
Afterall, I helped you pick it out.
But guy,
your wife ain't gonna
love it for long.
Especially when she finds out your ex
love was sporting it first.

Ima hook you up
since were tighhht.
I'll pick up a jock strap
for you on the way home.
You'll need it guy.
Just sayin'

*Oh-em-gee!
  You are so amazing!!!
  How did you know
  I was imitating
  Randy Jackson???

Lucky...

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please forgive me for I have sinned,

not just one, but all seven sins have I committed.

I can't help that my pride did not

allow me to look at this magazine cover

without experiencing greed, envy, and lust.

How dare she climb upon that magnificent

being and think she would not be subjected

to my wrath.

No one and I mean no one should be able
to touch him but I. 
It is I, who spends hours
upon hours worshipping the ground he walks.
Gluttony is good, if done moderately.
If this obsession has made a
sloth out of me, so be it.
I know I can not be cured but
hopefully I can be forgiven.

Wait a minute,
I'm Buddist, I don't need to confess.
Sigh. 
All is well.

must be nice

Wow,

looks like you had a blast on your vacation!!!

That tan looks soOooOoo devine on you.

Btw,

that shot of you in the sunset,

Magical.

And what is this?

Will you look at that,

NICE.

I had my eye on that

very expensive

Ferragamo handbag too.

Sigh.

I couldn't get it though.

Wait a minute,

why couldn't I get it again?

Oh right,

I remember now.

You borrowed my money

because you were

in dire need of  financial help.

What?

You have to go?

Right now?

Oh.

But I haven't looked at all your pictures yet.

Ok, next time then.

I'm glad you had fun.

Oh you,
you're so silly,

don't you worry about it,

I know about your tight budget.

A post card would be asking for too much.

.

Would you???

I was at Barnes & Nobles (you're jealous, I know),
when I overheard two idiots  guys conversing.
The geniuses were arguing about who they
would "tap" if they were given a chance.
In the midst of their futile discussion,
not only did I lose a few brain cells listening to them
but they also managed to confuse themselves.

You see,
they couldn't  define
beautiful, pretty, hawt,
and..
wait for it.....
wait for it...
yes, their favorite.....
"fiOne."

Are you confused?

Do you know the difference?

Do you?

Because they were really having a difficult time

defining those simple terms.

But never fear,
once again,

Memedo is here.

By being attentive to their "simple talk"

I deciphered the true definition of each one of their terms.

Apparently..............

Beautiful = A face that is pleasing to the eye (much like mine) with a proportional body to enhance that lovely face.

Pretty = An attractive face.  The figure, apparently, is not accounted for in this term.

Hawt = A banging body that will make a guys breeches shrink in a matter of seconds, accompanied with a fairly decent face.

And last but not least,

drumroll.............

FIONE = ASS, BOOBS, more ass and boobs, and much more ass and boobs.  Who cares about the face?  If you're fiOne, no one is looking at your face.  Because "damn guh...you FIONE!!!!  I'd definitely tap dat, yo!"

It was pointless really,

that conversation,

those two.

They should take what they can get.

Trust me, 

they're lucky if they even get a nudge

much less a "tap."

Just sayin'

the truth hurts....

I don't care what anyone says,
Lady Antebellum's I Need You Now,
total booty call.

You can tell me it's about someone
suffering a broken heart and missing their
lost love,
but imma say it again it,
BOOTY CALL..

It's a quarter after one,
I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control
and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
(TRANSLATION=BOOTY CALL)

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
(TRANSLATION=BOOTY CALL)

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now
Ooo, baby, I need you now
(TRANSLATION=TOTAL BOOTY CALL)

Look hate to break it to you but
it could have easily been
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I MISS you now
but it's not because it's a BOOTY CALL and I NEED you .

I'm just sayin"

good stuff

Yes.

I love the taste of Cognac.

Preferably,

Remy VSOP.

Martell XO would be a plus

but I'll take what I can get.

I like the way it slides down my throat

and warms my insides.

Yummy.

Yes, I know it's made

to sip

but I like it neat and

taken as a shot.

I love it so much,

I want to share it with all of you.

I mean,

Cognac has so many uses.

It's great for celebrations and

is especially good

for soothing broken hearts.

But like everything else,

too much of a good thing

can be very bad...

This stupid serum

can cause all kinds of trouble...

like..............

running into parked cars,

throwing nice expensive phones at doors and ovens,

kicking cute little pets,

dancing on stage,

cleaning the floors with said bodies,

begging on all fours to be washed in bathrooms,

falling asleep on toilets,

laying in puddles of vomit,

making out with relatives,

making out with strangers,

shiet making out with friends,
shaving eyebrows,

screaming at walls,

posing on cars,

beating up strangers,

beating up friends,

watching the midnight show of twilight,

crying behind curtains,

screaming out "I do it right",

calling spouses their exes names,

jumping off roofs...

pulling girls skirts down,

drinking shots of fish sauce....

ahhh....good times....

good times.....

So....

when people call me out for

not drinking up.....

I will just send them a link to this page

and say....

unlike you....

I know what this

wonderful serum can do...

because look what it did to you.

And I can say it with a big smile...

because at one point

they were guilty of not one but many of the above incidences.

for your own good!!!!

My wise cousin, Sen, educated me once 

on how to spot someone who is 

"tight."

Not the good tight either but the bad one.

Tight as in tight with their money.

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong

with being frugal,

but if you're always 

the first to order

wine and lobster

and the last to pull out your 

wallet,

it's only etiquette, 

I think,

to tip,

or  at least pretend to tip.

I mean, 

your meal was FREE.

So, to everyone else out there who isn't "tight", 

here are a few signs to look for so you're not stuck being the chump....

If they go by "Tight" or "Birdie"  it's probably because their cheap..cheap..cheap..or tight...tight...tight.

Pay attention to their seating arrangements in a restaurant.  The cheap ones will always strategically seat themselves furthest away from the wait staff.  It's a ploy to distance themselves from the bill in hopes that someone else will pick up their tab.  

They will conveniently be in the boys/girls room every time the check arrives.  

"Oh no"  it seems like they have forgotten their wallets, again.  

They remembered to bring the wallet but their magnetic strip to their bankcard seems to be malfunctioning, can you cover?

Last but not least, they are always the last ones to throw in their portion in hopes that someone will over pay.

Now remember,

fool me once, 

shame on you, 

fool me twice,

shame on me.

Don't be a sucker!!!

Btw, thanks sen, you're the best.

And Rook, Happy Birthday.

 

tough stuff

Breakeven by The Script

Have you heard of it?

Well, now you have.

Listened to the lyrics?

I just did.

Let's just say,

I'm glad I'm not heartbroken.

It's a good song and all,

but dang shoot the poor soul

in the face,

why don't you?

The sad thing is,

 though their hearts

are splattered all over the

floor in a trillion pieces,

this will be on repeat.

Sigh.

This song is perfect when 

accompanied with tears and a knife.

I kid, I kid.

yummy!

Because I can...
so,
I will.
Have you seen
Dirk Nowitzki
in the last couple
of games?

Impressive, huh?

I know,
you'd like to
do him too.

I don't blame you.
Really,
I don't.

stop now, please...

Facebook,
oh Facebook,
how incriminating
you can be.
Must you put every one's
business out there
for the whole world
to see?

Sigh....
Frankly, I'm out of rhymes
and I don't have time to
be amusing.

So, let me break it down
to something even you
can understand.

Don't be all pissy because
everyone knows your stuff.
YOU posted it
all over facebook.

Gawd.
People don't mind
their own business
because...
hell,
you put yours
out there.